Perfectionism is an unhealthy, rigid behavior that harms ourselves and those around us. It seeks the utmost control, a tyrant over falling short in any way. For most, this is not so extreme. Perfectionism, however, can become so severe it ruins our mental health, creates stress in marriages, harms families, and scars children. It is often marked by depression and self-critical behavior. Anger toward others when they do not meet our unrealistic standard is a form of this character trait.Excellence is different. An ideal which looks toward doing well; it seeks ones best in a spirit of growth and freedom. A healthy goal of achievement allows for mistakes and failure, with the view of learning from them. One can have a strong bent toward seeking excellence and not be perfectionist. Without desire for excellence, music, art, sports, or any other endeavor we seek would not exhibit a quality of beauty in which the human heart rejoices.
How can we discover which we are exhibiting? Some clues: Are we hurting ourselves or those around us? Do we seek the best but allow failure in ourselves and others? Is an activity or goal meant to be enjoyed making us miserable? Another is often repeating, "I just want things done right, " a defensive statement that seeks to condone unbending behavior.
